I’m borrowing from a self-care routine I use every day, either on my commute home or as I’m winding up the final strands of the evening.

It’s called “What-Went-Well,” and it comes from Marty Seligman via the Internet-renowned Yale Happiness Course, taught by Dr. Laurie Santos. (The actual name of the course is “The Science of Well-Being,” and I definitely recommend it! It is free unless you want a certificate of completion, which of course I did, and even then, I recall through my maternity-leave haze that it was very reasonable.)

The exercise: come up with three things that went well during the day. Then, most crucially, complete your list with because.

• I enjoyed my weekend solo with two toddlers  because I let go of a lot of things and had plenty of help.
• I had the help because I work hard to cultivate the kinds of relationships with friends and family that make us feel comfortable calling on each other when we’re in need. (And everyone is comfortable with kid shenanigans.)
• I managed to plan out some of my writing for the week because I sat down while the kids were napping and protected the time for my own thoughts.

Practicing gratitude for the things that went well is one part of the happiness (okay, well-being) intervention, but tying it to my own agency is what makes it really sink in. These happy moments do not happen for no reason; nor do the stressful ones, for the most part. They happen because of circumstances, even tiny ones, that I can control.

…like going to bed at an appropriate time, someday.